Please Don't Suck Unless You're Willing to Swallow
Monday, Aug. 28, 2006 at 10:21 a.m.
On this day in 1995, Calvin Klein withdraws an ad campaign after drawing wide criticism for mimicking the look and feel of child pornography. Although all the underwear models were legal adults, they appeared to be adolescents photographed in a sleazy motel room.
You know, if models keep getting younger (in the search of the ultimate skin-and-bones- awkward creature that couture is supposedly manufactured for) we�ll be shoving fetuses down the catwalk. And we wonder why eating disorders exist?
Anyway, I need to tell a couple of drivers to F.O.A.D. Yes, I mean you, pal, in the Toyota 4x4 truck with the extra chrome that you keep on paved roads close to home. And you, too, fella, with the Caddy Escalade, which I consider to be one of the biggest wastes of steel and fiberglass on the road. You obviously need a penis extension, but why an Escalade? That�s a bad use of the money that could go to a proper Caddy. Go the full fucking nine and get a goddamn Hummer.
Both of you need to get a life and stop weaving in and out of traffic in order to get one goddamned car length ahead of me. I�m already going 17 miles over the speed limit, which in my universe allows me to drive in the fast lane. Especially when I�m passing a bus that isn�t even making the speed limit. Don�t give me that finger or that scoffing look, either. And when the speed limit slows down to 45, I�m going to slow down to near that because there�s a goddamned red light that I can see is red coming up in about 1000 feet. Both of you barely squeaked between me and a car in the lane next to me because you wanted to be 3.2 seconds ahead of me at the light.
And anyway, why the hell are you in such a hurry to get to work? I�d be more forgiving of you in the afternoons when we�ll all trying to go home. Because that, in my personal arrogant opinion, is worth rushing for.
Asshats.
And, here are, according to others, are a couple of more people who need to F.O.A.D.:
However, why don�t we ever hear about the good that certain people do? You know, the ones who look out for others? Or take care of their buddies? Like this kid:
Or these good people, who are strong supporters of the ADA:
Or the good people who perform a public service:
Especially a public service for the people of the world who don�t understand why some parents let their kids do that:
C�mon, people of the world! I hope you�ll be inspired, like I have, to spread good cheer to the world, to assist the handicapped experience a mosh pit, to be a piece of furniture when needed, and to keep the nitwits in SUVs that never see any �sport� from killing themselves and others just to be on time to work!