Muscles, mumblings, and movies
Monday, Dec. 12, 2005 at 2:30 p.m.
Quite a weekend for movies! Here we go:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: If you aren�t familiar with the books or the movies, you�re gonna be lost. It drops you right into the story and makes no attempt to bring the unknowledgable up to date. So there. If you�re expecting the book in its entirety with absolutely no devices or changes, you�re going to be sorely disappointed. Several characters are missing, but no major plot points are lost. Notice I said MAJOR plot points. Some things have been changed to move the story along. And it moves along quite nicely, in fact sometimes a little too fast in order to get to the next kick-ass effects moment. Ralph Fiennes makes a lovely Voldemort. I wish Moody�s eye had moved a whole lot more. I wish more had been done with the hedge maze task. I wish Fleur hadn�t been such a wishy-washy version of Clare Danes. I did really like the Beauxbatons� uniforms with their smart little cloche� hats and satin pumps. Hubster really liked how the camera lingered on their perky little fannies as they entered the Great Hall. I really liked Dan Radcliffe�s naked chest in the bath, complete with fuzzy nipples. He�s a chiseled young man who will grow up to ROOOWWWRRR proportions. Shame he�s still jailbait at the moment. And that he�s the pasty white of the fishbelly variety. Did I like it? Yes. Did I cry? Yes. Did I think that the cemetery scene looked even more fakey than the one in Fiddler on the Roof for the Fruma Sarah sequence? Yep.
Blood Feast: A Herschell Gordon Lewis movie of the highest standards. So Bad It Was Good. This movie is probably the first slasher/gore movie of its kind, the forefather to Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which was made a FULL DECADE after this flick) and that whole genre of stuff. The plot and the script are fairly laughable, mostly from the standpoint of one who watches CSI and Law and Order religiously. Lemme see what I can do here: We see who the murderer is right off. He stabs a girl in the eye and cuts off her leg. This is part of a string of murders and dismemberments, and the murderer doesn�t leave any clues. The local cops are stumped. Hmm. Nearly all of the victims belong to the same book and discussion club, which is all about Egyptology. All the victims recently ordered the book Weird Ancient Religious Rites, authored by the murderer. The detective assigned to the case is in the same club, as is his girlfriend. They both hear a lecture about the Blood Rite of Ishtar (augh! No! Not ISHTAR! NO!!!) which involves murder and dismemberment and blood sacrifice. Girlfriend�s mum is throwing a birthday party with an Ancient Egypt food theme, catered by the murderer (he owns a little grocery and catering business on the side). Girlfriend even TELLS detective that her mother is throwing an Egyptian feast, and this detective can�t even put this together. Even on the notion of �Hey, that�s a really big coincidence.�
Things I learned while watching this movie:
A guy with a limp can outrun four able-bodied cops.
You can cook body parts in a pizza oven in less than 30 seconds.
A human tongue, when removed from the mouth, is about 14 inches long.
Being asked to lie down on a table, close your eyes, and announce yourself as a sacrifice to Ishtar is funny and should raise no suspicion on your part.
There�s actually a very good commentary on this disc with a guy from Something Weird video, the producer, and Herschell. The producer (sorry, can�t remember his name) and Herschell tell such great stories about their movie making, and it�s SO obvious they had an absolute BLAST making these movies. They�re so happy and daffily pleased with what they�ve accomplished in the movie-making world. If only the rest of us could be so satisfied, huh? Do what you love, kids, and the world will be all right.
What do I love? Among other things, making snarky comments about photographs:
Actually, I�m just laughing.
This is fun: pop a balloon while standing behind a bomb technician. Well, it may not be fun for you to get your ass beaten but it would be funny for the rest of us to watch.
Wow, sometimes that�s Mr. Perfect right there, isn�t it girls? You know, the guy who will change your tire or mow your lawn or open your jar of pickles or remove the dead chicken from the front door. What a guy.