Signs o' Snarkiness
Thursday, Dec. 08, 2005 at 11:35 a.m.
I am dedicating another entry to goofy-assed signs that make me laugh. So I�m a-pulling up my big-girl panties and unleashing some snarkiness.
I suppose even purveyors of porn need to pray.
�Mommy, why does that man have gooey stuff all over his pants?�
�Just keep walking, Jimmy.�
I am reminded of a sign very much like this one near my house growing up � one panel said �Assembly of God� and another panel said �Bob�s Live Bait�. Knowing that fishermen are very prayerful people (�Please God, lemme catch a bigger one than Tom, that sonufabitch.�) this worked for me.
I am also reminded of the big gay bar in Tuscaloosa that when I was there 13 years ago was called Michael�s. I think. Anyway, it was a great place to go no matter your orientation or preference, and it was just down the block from the First Baptist Church of Six Flags Over Jesus, which practically took up an entire square block. The church elders were all pissy that such a den of iniquity was so close to a den of Yahoo Jesus, and many meetings were held with the town council about ridding the downtown area of such a place. Eventually, the owner, Michael (I think that was his name, or the name of his partner, I don�t remember) said that if this continued, he would dress up in his best Sunday dress and hat and march down the aisle during services, saying Howdy to all the members of the congregation who frequented his bar.
On the other end of the spectrum:
This is a place in Vermont, I believe, and I must go there as any self-respecting Catholic with a bizarre sense of humor should and have my picture taken next to that sign. Wearing a nun�s wimple. And a miniskirt.
As if being in a wheelchair wasn�t bogus enough, but you have to contend with alligators if you lose control of your chair. I don�t think this park should be ADA approved.
On a couple of occasions, I�ve taken my parents to theme parks and parked Dad in a wheelchair because he can�t walk too far. Most theme parks do a great job, but Disneyland was a bit of a struggle, since it was built before ADA requirements. Hell, it was built back in the day when women would wear dresses and high heels to Disneyland. Now you don�t see women dressed like that anymore. Only the men.
Thanks a lot, bozos. Am I supposed to park my car in the Forbidden Zone? Cripes.
Well, now, there�s a littering deterrent! I�m guessing the sign says �Litter and Get Shot in the Head, Fool.� But if the litter police shot somebody and that body falls to the ground, is that body now litter? Does that mean that the litter cop gets shot in the head? Is this country knee deep in litterer corpses? I don�t think there�s a chance for litter recidivism here.
I�d give this guy a buck just because he made Pepsi come out of my nose.
Man, these pictures are making me laugh so hard I gotta pee. Bye, kids!