A case of Rice-A-Roni will be on its way soon!
Monday, Dec. 05, 2005 at 11:17 a.m.
BREAKING NEWS: HOLY CHICKEN LITTLE!! A GIANT SPIDER FALLS FROM THE SKY ON THE CITY!!
Movies recently watched by the Valkyrie:
Something Weird: Um, yeah. Very apt title. A 1967 venture by Herschell Gordon Lewis. It�s about . . . um . . . well, okay. Girl gets murdered in an alleyway. Two dudes do some martial arts katas. Another dude gets electrocuted on a power pole and falls to his death, but he humps the ground a bit first. Well, that�s what it looked like. Another dude, Mitch the engineer, tries to move the downed power line off the humping dude and gets a faceful of power-line juice, severely burning and disfiguring his face. He gets taken to the hospital in someone�s dad�s wood-paneled station wagon dressed up to look like an ambulance, where it�s discovered that they can�t fix his face, but he�s somehow gained ESP. He really uses these powers for the good: he uses them to try to get himself laid. An old hag approaches him and says that she can restore his pretty face if he becomes her lover. He refuses, but then finds that his face has been restored. Bolstered by this, he goes on the prowl and picks up a blonde chicklet. Upon whisking her to his apartment to do the ol� in-and-out on her (for all you Anthony Burgess fans) she transforms into the old hag. Mitch then gets called over to help out this police investigation regarding the murdered chick in the alleyway from the beginning, although now the body count has gone up to 7 or so. Blonde chick is with him (Mitch only sees her as old hag, everyone else sees Blonde chick, done with rapid editing). An FBI agent and a Doctor come along to try to debunk Mitch, and they suggest that Mitch take some LSD just as an experiment. A bunch of stuff goes down, including a couple of weird LSD trips and Mitch ends up getting shot in the head. Other stuff follows this, but by this time I was weeping from confusion and not being able to hear the dialogue, which must have been recorded on a Ronco Mr. Microphone.
Kitchen Stories: This is a lovely 2003 Norwegian film, set in 1950. A Swedish think tank has been doing observations of housewives to make a more efficient kitchen, and this new experiment is to observe Norwegian bachelors. (potentially Norwegian Bachelor Farmers, but there is no mention of Powder Milk Biscuits) Folke is part of the observer group, and he parks his little trailer outside Isak�s home. Isak is at first reticent about having a stranger in his home, but he eventually lets Folke and his very tall stool take over a corner of his kitchen. The thing is, the observers are not supposed to interact with the subjects in any way. Eventually, they do become very good friends, messing up the experiment and getting Folke fired. Has beautiful shots of a Norwegian winter. Very touching, sweet, and funny story. Nice to watch on a cold day all wrapped up in a blankie with cocoa. Has a bittersweet ending. Very recommended.
Airplane!: Surely it�s the funniest damn movie in the known universe. (yes, I�ll stop calling you Shirley) Why is it so funny? If you listen to the commentary, this movie has several pre-screenings. Every time it was screened, the directors paid attention to the audiences� reactions. If a gag didn�t get a laugh, it got cut. That�s why it seems like it�s a continous 90-minute laugh riot. That�s smart movie business. If you haven�t seen it for a long time, you owe it to yourself to rent the disc and watch it, because it�s better than you remembered, especially if you only saw the edited version on network TV.
Tron: Okay, this movie is much better than everyone gives it credit for. For 1983 or whenever this movie was made, the CGI and the effects kick ASS. Didn�t you want to have one of those light cycles the first time you saw this? I heard that touch-screen technology started getting worked on after it was seen in this movie. Talk about life imitating art. Watch it now and substitute �Microsoft� for �MCU� (Master Control Unit) and you will be very, very, scared. I think I could see Bill Gate�s face on the spinny face thing. And, oh, David Warner looks so young in this movie that was made over 20 years ago. Go figure. David Warner was mychoice to play Mad-Eye Moody. If you see The Omen there�s a great scene with David Warner getting his head cut off by a wayward sheet of glass. Bitchin�.
I think this picture is trying to straddle the line between funny and sick and falls squarely in the crevice:
Or perhaps it falls into the Pit of Pathos. Poor kid.
Hey, speaking of poor kid, can you find the �poor kid� in this picture?
Did you say, �Lodged between both of his parents and probably suffocating under a roll of flab and will be ejected like a popcorn kernel out of a laughing person�s mouth if that bike takes a dump or hits a really big pothole�??
Yes? YOU WIN!!!