He loved us to death I am currently trying to burn the last 20 minutes here of a 12 hour shift. Why the HELL did I say I'd do this? I have lost pretty much all time-sense even though I can see out the window. It's like the glass seperates me from reality and beyond is the matte painting of some Hollywood picture. It's now compounded by the fact that Fitz turned off the overhead lights and now I'm in a dark space illuminated by a fluorescent fixture. At least I have the webradio going. Dain Bramage. It makes me smile; it makes me think of old high-school jokes and puns when we all thought we were all terribly clever. Not clever by half, I don't think anymore. At least the girls all made it to my wedding. I think it's unspoken around us, that we have to do at least that since Julie died. Julie will have been dead for 10 years this fall. 10 years?? My god, what happened to us? When did we get to be this age? When did we get to be pushing 35 and looking towards our 20 year high-school reunion (2008, by the way) and did I have The Time of My Life?? Did I? I don't know. Some of it, I know, is wasted. So many things I said "no" to that should have, could have been "yes". Some people would say that I followed the path that God laid out for me, but I can't think He controls it ALL. He's got gas balls to toss around the firmament, why should He be worried about me? He oved us TO DEATH. Amazing. It's like how I look at Gary and I just think my heart will burst with love and emotion and joy. I'm so tired and I need a hug. I need my Gary. Soon I go home. Soon.
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