The Wrong People Are Usually In Charge
Monday, Jan. 08, 2007 at 7:30 a.m.
On this day in 1992, George Bush, sick with the stomach flu, decides not to excuse himself at a Tokyo state dinner. He vomits in the lap of the Japanese Prime Minister while cameras are rolling, to the great amusement of everyone except the Prime Minister.
Low water use toilets that aren�t high-pressure simply do not work well, do they? It defeats the purpose if you have to flush a couple of times. And then, on top of that, throw in the tenuous nature of self-flushing toilets and you�ve got anarchy on your hands. Well, hopefully not literally on your hands. If that�s the case, make sure you wash up properly.
Is it true that 60% of us out there don�t wash our hands after the toilet? On one hand, I�m thinking, ewwww, but then on the other, I�m thinking about building up the resistances of the species. See, I think that�s where we screwed up with all these anti-bacterial soap. If a parent really wants to build an immune kid, then the kid should roll around in the compost pile everyday and made to drink from the hose in the yard, like we all did when we were kids. We turned out okay. Mostly. And if we didn�t, well, then that�s what the therapists are for.
I have never been to a therapist. I�m probably a good candidate for one; however, I have this habit of attempting to talk about my issues and then end up solving problems/making suggestions for the person who was supposed to be listening to me. And anyway, I have the best therapist of all in Hubster, because he tells me what I want to hear anyway, which, for the most part, is simply everything�s gonna be okay.
But I think if some bad shit goes down here, it ain�t gonna be okay:
I mean, we�re talking about at least 5 casualties there on the clown motorbike, and we can�t see whether any small children are wedged between the adults. If there are kids on there when that thing takes a spill, they�ll shoot out like corks from a bottle.
Speaking of corks from a bottle, when the hell did Martinelli�s Sparkling Cider� go to a cap that you need a churchkey for? Wouldn�t you think that a $3.99 bottle of non-alcoholic cider would have a twist top? Boone�s Farm�, which is alcoholic, is easier to get into than the damned cider.
And what the hell kind of food gets served here?
If that�s the main course, what the hell is on the dessert tray?
Is there some sort of magical age where sweets become too rich? I actually surpassed that some time ago. Before, I could scarf down Death by Chocolate� in every imaginable permutation, burp, and then ask for seconds. Right now, my mouth hurts even thinking about it and my stomach turned over. I passed up the Godiva from Hell Chocolate Death on Top of Chocolate and Dipped in Chocolate Cheesecake� at the Cheesecake Factory� recently because it was too much chocolate. When the hell did that happen? When the hell did it become �too much�?? And is it too late to go back?
Who thought this was a good idea?
If I�m not mistaken, that looks like a place that might have sleet. Sleet + Steep Driveway = Not a Very Good Situation At All For the Neighbors Across the Street. �Excuse me, I didn�t mean to back into your front room, there. Slipped out of gear, sorry!�
So I was watching CSI: Vegas last night, and I have to wonder who the hell calls a four-week teaching assignment a �sabbatical�? A sabbatical is a multi-month excursion away from the normal routine, not teaching a master class about a mosquito. Not unless that class is being held on a Caribbean island and being taught by Johnny Depp, and it�s a one-on-one-clothing-optional-rum-required class.
Sorry, Hubster.
I�m also currently hot for both the guys on Mythbusters too, and we all know how I love my geeks.
And only the best of geeks would have a USB accessory like this:
I�m telling all you geeks out there, you know what women want? Really? Clean teeth, fresh breath, and trimmed cuticles. Do that, and you�re so on your way in. Really.