F.O.A.D.TH13: Warning: Extreme Vitriol Ahead
Thursday, Nov. 16, 2006 at 8:17 a.m.
1. D, my �manager�: I could fill volumes with the amount of dislike I have for you. And you actually got hit by the Karma Bus, but instead of it being a humbling experience, you decided to become mercenary brown-noser. What the hell is it that you actually do?
2. A, my �superior�: Stop blaming everyone else, and for once, don�t bring me a problem without a solution.
3. Customers who scream at me on the phone: I am trying hard to help you. That�s what I�m here for. I�m sorry you�re having a bad day, but yelling at me makes me type slower.
4. Co-Employees who scream at me on the phone: Look, I don�t know why the powers-that-be decided that I need to be the resource for all your technical problems when I am a Customer Support Representative, but I am trying to help you as well. If you aren�t able to do your job, then I have to do it for you, hence, I want you to be up and running.
5. Whoever has that office on the other side of our backyard wall: Figure out how to work your damn door alarm. Either that, or stop going into work at 3 a.m. And yes, we will continue to dump the trash that your trees drop on our property over the wall. It�s your trash.
6. Drivers on my commute to work: Slow down. Get up ten minutes earlier and put on your makeup/shave/apply deodorant/brush your teeth at home. Why the hell are you in such a hurry to get to work?
7. Drivers on my commute home from work: What part of �Yield to Ramp Traffic� don�t you get? I�m the one on the goddamn ramp, not you. It�s called the off-ramp. Look up �yield� in the freaking dictionary
8. Drivers everywhere else: Look up �turn signals� in the Driver�s Ed handbook. It�s available at your MVD.
9. Crazy people on those racer motorcycles: I like to think that I�m good at watching for motorcyclists. I have a much bigger vehicle than yours, but I don�t want to get into a fight with bikers, so I try to give you wide berth. However, �wide berth� is not the same as you having licence to drive like a maniac just because you can hit 80 m.p.h. at 4.2 nanoseconds.
10. Rabid salespeople: Back off. I know how to kill someone with my bare hands. I�m sorry you chose to work in a place where you only earn commission, but by the same token, that�s not my problem. Keep bugging me, and I will order it from your website.
11. Misogynistic auto mechanics: I know the difference between a carburetor and a catalytic converter, so don�t talk bullwhacky at me and think you�re going to get away with it.
12. Mean people in general: Stop sucking so much.
13. D, my �manager�: (she deserves two mentions) For the love of Mike, shut up. I can hear you make your suck-up noises from here. Stop saying �we� when I�m the one who has to do all the work. Oh, and perhaps you should let me you�re not going to be here the next day sooner than 45 minutes after I leave work for the day.
On this day in 1906, opera star Enrico Caruso is charged with an indecent act committed in the monkey house of New York's Central Park Zoo. He pinched the bottom of a woman described as "pretty and plump", causing outrage amongst New York high society. Caruso claimed a monkey pinched the lady's bottom.
Of course, this was back in the days when the media could describe a woman as both pretty and plump. Try that now in this litigious age and you�ll find out how far you can go with that. Well, with the plump part anyway. I think calling a woman pretty is still okay, so long as it doesn�t seem like a come-on and it�s not said to an ultra-feminist.
Just to be safe, don�t do it.
So anyway, I wrote that TH13 yesterday, when I was mightily pissed off at � who else? � D, the manager. Her methodology drives me to distraction and she has all the social skills of a syphilitic ferret.
Can ferrets contract syphilis?
In other, more happy news, yesterday was the Hubster and Valkyrie�s three-year wedding anniversary. There was much joy, celebration, miniature golf, and boffing.
Woot!
Hubster and I are as disgustingly cute as a toddler soccer hooligan:
Awwwwwww.