Gotta Light?
Monday, Sept. 25, 2006 at 10:59 a.m.
On this day in 1988, President Carter's brother Billy dies of pancreatic cancer. The "First Brother" distinguished himself by whoring out to the Libyan government, and marketing "Billy Beer" -- considered one of the most abominable pilsner-style lagers ever to hit the American market.
Thank you, Billy Carter, wherever you are.
Yeah, I know that today is also the day that John Bonham of Led Zeppelin choked on his own vomit, and on TV, Doogie Howser, MD lost his virginity. Whatever.
Anyhoo, the Hubster and I are embarking on a holiday starting tomorrow � a 5 day road trip. Short, yes, but it will still be fun. And the Hubster has now only planned for one night of camping, and I think that the campground even has a flush toilet, which is making me think that the Hubster�s not too much into roughing it much anymore. Heh heh. Probably because he�s learned that hotel rooms make La Valkyrie as horny as a Scottish sheep on a cliff�s edge. And having cable TV is also too tempting. (Curse you, MythBusters and Adult Swim!)
However, at home, we do not have cable, so I fill the time watching movies. And this weekend, the DVD player spat out:
The Beatniks: This movie, which weighs in at 73 minutes, has one of the greatest lines ever screeched by a maniac drunken junkie with a gun: �I killed that fat barkeep!� It�s right up there with �Stella!� I tell you what. A group of petty criminals threatens to self-destruct when their leader, Eddy, is picked up by a Ed-Sullivan-esque talent program as the next hot crooner. Mooney, the fat-barkeep-killer, is none too happy that the little group may be breaking up. Has some nice songs, if you like that kind of thing, but all in all, it�s another film about a teenage gang played by thrity-somethings.
The Wizards of the Demon Sword: Gah! I like bad films. It�s a weakness of mine. However, I occasionally come across a fetid pile of compostic celluloid that is an insult to my backside as I spend time sitting and watching it. This piece of phlegm is distributed by Troma (yes, it should have tipped me off) and features one of the seven basic plots: Girl, whose father is the uber-wizard in charge of protecting some relic (in this case, a serrated hunting knife) is being chased by Bad Guy with Delusions of Grandeur because the aforementioned relic won�t work unless she�s somehow involved. Throw in a bunch of guys who took a Saturday morning class in Basic Stage Combat and sets borrowed from a local children�s theatre group and you�ve got your movie. Features Lyle Waggoner, Russ Tamblyn, and Michael Berryman (you�d recognize his as Pluto, the freaky bald cannibal from the original Hills Have Eyes). The disc also had some of the most excretious trailers ever, but now one of those movies is in my movie queue based on title alone: The Nymphoid Barbarian From Dinosaur Hell.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin: This was actually funnier than I thought it would be. I think it�s because Will Ferrell is not in it.
I mean, really. It�s not a given that Will Ferrell will make something funny, despite what Hollywood (and Ferrell himself) wants us to believe. I find more humor in absurdity than anything else. For example, how funny is this?
Is the flying dog inherently funny in itself, or is the fact that the dog�s being chased by seems to be a hungry and/or angry human make the situation funny? Or do you ever get embarrassed because you see something like this, find it funny, and realize that your mind is in the gutter?
Ah, well, as sometimes �a cigar is just a cigar�, sometimes funny things are just funny.
Take care, however, or you may hear someone indignantly shriek, �That�s not funny, that�s sick!�
