Th.13: Dirty Limericks (FROM MEMORY)
Thursday, Aug. 31, 2006 at 8:00 a.m.
There once was a couple named Kelly,
Who had to live belly to belly
Because once, in their haste,
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
There once was a lady named Alice
Who used dynamite for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
The rest of her rained down on Dallas.
There was another young lady named Alice
Who thought of her cunt as a chalice.
One night, sleeping nude
She awoke feeling lewd
And found in her chalice, a phallus.
Yet another young lady named Alice
Purchased a hard rubber phallus.
Since she learned its perfections
She shuns doctor�s inspections.
It is an odd place for a callus.
There once was a whore named Louise
Who had cunt hair right down to her knees.
Then the crabs in her twat
Tied in all in a knot
And fashioned a flying trapeze.
A young nymph who liked to live free
Decided to live nude in a tree.
And all who passed there
Saw that her behind was bare
And so was her C-U-N-T.
A girl who went to the equator
Was had by an old alligator.
Whether she relished that screw,
Nobody knew,
For after he had her, he ate her.
There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
He said, �Her breasts aren�t there,
And she�s lost all her hair,
But think of the money I save.�
There once was a girl in Dundee
Who screwed a baboon in a tree.
The result was quite horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
Three balls, and a purple goatee.
A young man in a chemistry class
Once coated his testes with brass.
When they jangled together
In wet, stormy weather,
Lightning shot out of his ass.
There once was a man named Brewster
Who said to his wife as he goosed her:
�This used to be grand,
Now look at my hand!
You�re not wiping as clean as you used to.�
There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.
There was a young lad from the Falls
Who used to perform in the halls.
His favourite trick
Was to stand on his prick
And roll off the stage on his balls.
And you think those were in poor taste? Here�s instructions on how to make a plane using houseflies for power:
I think the limericks would be MORE acceptable at parties.