It's a dangerous thing when you refer to your computer as "sexy"
Tuesday, Aug. 22, 2006 at 8:31 a.m.
On this day in 1485, Richard III is slain at Bodsworth Field. And while all American children learn the stupid �ROY G BIV� mnemonic for the colors of the spectrum, children in the UK learn this jazzy mnemonic: �Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.�
And while Shakespeare and British History and Neil Simon might have you believe that Rchard III was a murderous clubfoot hunchback with a lisp and a rather fay demeanor, I think that he had neither motive nor opportunity to kill or have killed his nephews in the Tower of London, and was a general victim of revisionist history. Please read Sharon Kay Penman�s The Sunne in Splendor. It�s a fictionalized account, but it�s very good.
However, I think that Andrew Lloyd Webber is missing out on a new West End show � imagine the songs! I�ve Got a Hunch I�m Going to Be King. . . .
I first heard the spectrum mnemonic from my undergrad Botany professor, who was a limey with a very strange sense of humor. He knew that I was an actor in the Theatre department and he asked me why the professor over there chose such strange plays. My answer was that the professors thought that the college stage was the best medium for bizarre and strange works. He thought that was stupid. I thought so too. How much Beckett does a department really need to do before it gets too damn tedious?? At any rate, I did enjoy my Botany class. He would take us on fun jaunts through the forests around the university (which at the time sat on over 1000 acres of woods) looking for crazy plants. Whenever he gave us a multiple choice question on various people in the Land O Botany, one of the answers would be Eric Clapton. Once, on the final, it was the correct answer.
Anyhoo, the lovely and bodacious hissandtell asked what I did with the virgins when they had found the unicorn, did I toss them away? Heavens no. You have to hang on to virgins to get more unicorns. Silly.
Conversation with Hubster:
The scene: Dark, late, the Valkyrie and Hubster are lying quietly in bed, waiting for sleep to overtake them. . .
Hubster: Was that you or the dog?
Valkyrie: Was that me or the dog what?
Hubster: That farted.
Valkyrie: No, it wasn�t me.
Hubster: Are you sure?
Valkyrie: I�m pretty sure when I don�t blow gas out my ass. And besides, if it had been me, it would have been louder.
Hubster: That�s true. And this is stinkier than you, too.
Valkyrie: That�s good to know. Now keep the dog over there. Go back to sleep.
New scene: the next morning. Hubster is about to leave for the airport.
Valkyrie: Do you have your keys, money, underwear?
Hubster: Yes.
Valkyrie: Are all your lotions and potions in your checked baggage?
Hubster: Yes.
Valkyrie: Do you have your tickets, socks, passport?
Hubster: Passport? I�m only going to East L.A.
Valkyrie: Who is President?
Hubster: George Bush.
Valkyrie: I repeat, do you have your passport?
I wonder what kind of ID you need to rent here:
And do they have hourly rates, or do you have to rent by the week?
Now to shift gears without a clutch, I think this is not quite the message that they want to get across:
I mean, Kid, you�re still gonna wait when you become an engineer. A really long time. A really, REALLY long time. After all, Kid, you could work here:
Hmm. Maybe not. Okay Kid, tell you what. Become an engineer, and then go rent yerself a baby from the other above business. That might help with the sex thing. I don�t know why, but women like to see cute babies with single guys. It works on me, too. I don�t get it.
Ta!