Ad Infinitum
Wednesday, Jul. 05, 2006 at 9:16 a.m.
Today is an unusual day in Phoenix, as it is very grey and dark and threatening thundershowers. Which is perfectly fine with most of us here in the Valley. This is the only place I have ever lived where work stops for rain. Everyone gathers at a window or an open door to observe the phenomena of water falling from the sky. When I used to live in NW Washington state, we would gather outside during the winter to marvel at a big glowing orb in the sky, since we rarely saw it from October to March. Back when I lived in Florida, one of the schools I attended was very old and had huge windows. Some days we would have terrible thunderstorms and it would be as dark as twilight outside, and sometime we could see small twisters going up and down the boulevard. You could even smell the burning ozone when the lightning would crack. I loved days like that. Conversation with Mom and Dad on the phone, with Hubster involved:
Mom: Dear, ask Valkyrie about those panels we bought.
Valkyrie: You mean the hurricane panels? The ones you put over your windows?
Dad: We just bought them and they�ve got stuff all over them.
Valkyrie: Stuff? What kind of stuff?
Hubster: Is it mildew?
Mom: We�ve got them stacked in the shed, you know, the metal shed. . .
Dad: The metal one that replaced the old one, the one that flew over the fence in the other hurricane.
Mom: She knows which shed, Dear. They�re stacked up against each other in the shed. And they�ve got stuff on them.
Dad: They�re going to get holes in them. It needs to be fixed.
Valkyrie: What are the panels made of? Aluminum?
Mom: Yes, it�s aluminum, and it�s not like they�re rusting . . .
Dad: But there�s stuff all over them, they�re just stacked up with nothing in between them.
Mom: Should we try to clean them?
Hubster: Are they coated with something?
Dad: Um, I don�t think so. We paid $3000 for them, and they�re already going bad.
Valkyrie: So they�re just silver? They�re not anodized or anything?
Mom: Yes, they�re just silver . . . Is there something we�re supposed to do? I called the guy who sold them to us and he just said that they�re for protection, not for looks.
Valkyrie: Well, they are for protection. You don�t leave them up all the time, do you?
Dad: What�s anodizing?
Hubster: It�s a finish for aluminum.
Dad: Is that something I can get at Lowe�s? I could do it myself.
Hubster: Um, no. You need a large amount of sulfuric acid and DC current for an electric charge. It�s a heat treating process.
Dad: So it�s something I can�t do?
Hubster: No.
Mom: So was this guy just giving me a smart answer to get rid of me?
Valkyrie: Well, you�re not going to leave them up all the time, but I wouldn�t be concerned unless they�re falling apart or something. Aluminum can discolor if it�s not treated or painted.
Dad: So I could paint them. Hubster said I couldn�t.
Valkyrie: You can paint them, Dad, it�s anodizing you can�t do.
Dad: Why not?
Hubster: Because you need a vat of 10,000 gallons of sulfuric acid, Dad.
Dad: Huh?
Mom: And the numbers are coming off too.
Valkyrie: Numbers?
Mom: Numbers that tell us which window they go on. And I�m not sure where the piece of paper is that tells us which number is which window.
Valkyrie: You can get a paint marker and redo the numbers on the panels. Actually, you could hang all the panels, like a trial run, and label them with a note that tells you which one is which. Like �Valkyrie�s old room� or �Bubba�s side window�.
Mom: We can do that?
Valkyrie: Sure, Mom. Just get a paint marker from a craft store or Lowe�s.
Mom: And just label them?
Valkyrie: Yes, Mom, label them in a way that makes sense to you.
Dad: Why aren�t these things anodized or whatever?
Valkyrie: I don�t know, Dad, it probably would have cost more money. But they�re aluminum so they�ll last a long time.
Hubster: They probably are not finished or painted because they�d get chipped or dinged if stuff flies into them. They�re probably made of alloy XYZ123, so they�re going to last. Don�t worry about it.
Dad: But they�ve got stuff on them!
Mom: They�re in the shed, with no cover or anything, and Dad spilled grass seed on them.
Valkyrie: Grass seed? But not fertilizer or any kind of corrosive liquid.
Mom: No, just grass seed.
Valkyrie: Then don�t worry about it.
Mom: But shouldn�t we try to clean them?
Hubster: Are you going to paint them?
Mom: I don�t know.
Valkyrie: Just rinse them off if it bothers you, Mom.
Mom: Oh, we paid so much money for those, and the numbers are coming off.
Valkyrie: Then relabel them, Mom. Get a paint marker.
Dad: And they�ve got stuff on them.
Hubster: They�ll still protect you from debris flying through your windows. It doesn�t matter what they look like as long as the construction is solid.
Mom: I just don�t like salespeople getting smart alecky with me.
Valkyrie: I hear you, Mom.
Dad: So is it a-loo-ni-num or a-loo-nin-ee-um? Gah.
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