Puerile TV and Movies: I Can't Get Enough
Wednesday, May. 10, 2006 at 9:05 a.m.
Well! No one bit at my very blatent plea for Supergold subsidy, so I guess I�ll have to take care of that myself. Oh, I�m not as much of a Diaryland celebrity. Heh heh. Oh well. Conversations with Hubster: Valkyrie: �Man. I need to lose 50 lbs.�
Hubster: �Just 50?�
Valkyrie: long pause �Do you want to die?�
Hubster: �Well, I need to lose at least 30.�
Valkyrie: �You are such a . . . I can�t even think about what you are.�
Hubster: �Truthful, I think, is the word you�re looking for.�
Valkyrie: �Wake up!�
Hubster: �Was that you that made that unholy noise??�
Valkyrie: �I need you to kill something.�
Hubster: �What is it?�
Valkyrie: �Something crawly, really fast with lots of legs. It crawled out of the newspaper as I opened it.�
Hubster: grumbles, plods to the garage to get the bug killer rubber mallet �Where is it?�
Valkyrie: �Inside today�s newspaper!�
Hubster: �You mean this thing?� points to squished spider, smashes it with mallet �I think it was already dead.�
Valkyrie: �You can never be too sure.�
Hubster: �You�re a real wimp, you know that?�
Valkyrie: �Killing critters is part of your trifecta of marital promises. Along with putting the toilet seat down and investigating all noises in the middle of the night and beating the intruder with a five-iron.�
Hubster: �If it�s your father, can I hit him once with a sand wedge?�
Valkyrie: �Deal.�
Hubster: �I dreamed that you and I and our two teenage daughters were on a hike, but we had to walk in a certain order or we�d be killed.�
Valkyrie: �Two teenage daughters?�
Hubster: �Yeah.�
Valkyrie: �We don�t have any children.�
Hubster: �I know that.�
Valkyrie: �We�re not going to have any children.�
Hubster: �I know that.�
Valkyrie: �I wonder what that�s about.�
Hubster: �I�m not taking you on hikes anymore, that�s for sure.�
Hubster: �What should we do about our retirement plan?�
Valkyrie: �Beyond your getting a rocking chair and a shotgun, and me getting a dozen cats, I have no idea.�
Hubster: �Can I have a sawn-off shotgun?�
Valkyrie: �Only if you fill it with rocksalt.�
Hubster: �Deal.�
Hubster: �Oh god, what the hell are you watching now?�
Valkyrie: �To the Devil, A Daughter Natassja Kinsky gets naked in it.�
Hubster: �Oh, that�s okay then.�
To the Devil, A Daughter: This was the last official Hammer film made, done in 1976. Stars Christopher Lee, Richard �This is what I do to squealers� Widmark, Denholm Elliot, and Natassja Kinski, along with Pussy Galore herself, Honor Blackman. Honor gets a letter opener in the throat, haha, spoiler for you. This was adapted from another of Dennis Wheatley�s occult novels. Other adaptations for movies have been The Wicker Man and The Devil Rides Out, both of which star Christopher Lee, that creepy guy of all bad/good creepy movies. This, unfortunately, was a terrible adaptation of what has been called an �unfilmable� book and Dennis Wheatley was extremely disappointed. Along with everyone else it seemed. The production was plagued from the beginning due to a lack a script that was written as production went along. This led to a terrible and seemingly abrupt ending, simply because the ghost scriptwriter simply forgot to do so. This is one of Widmark�s last films, and one of Kinski�s first. Perhaps it should have been the other way around? It�s hard to say. Things I learned from watching this movie:
You can kill the devil by hitting him in the head with a rock.
You need to cover a spontaneously combusted corpse with your suit jacket.
Devil babies can only be delivered by spontaneous c-section, a la Alien.
If your devil baby was delivered too early, you can shove him right back in.
I now utterly love Christopher Lee, and no movie that he�s in can be rendered unwatchable as long as he�s on the screen. I also watched disc 1 of The Family Guy: Season One and I can feel my neural transmitters shutting down. I�m so ashamed.
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