Schroedinger's Pizza is both in and out of the box at the same time!
Wednesday, Apr. 12, 2006 at 10:09 a.m.
Oy Vey! L�chaim! Happy Passover to all. May you eat matzohs until you bloat.
My good friend L is married to R, a lovely fellow who happens to be Jewish. L happens to be a Presbyterian, so she makes the effort to celebrate all holidays. The thing is, L�s ILs are really hip into the whole Christmas and Easter thing, at least the secular parts thereof, and L believes that the main perk of L marrying R, at least from the IL�s standpoint is so that they can celebrate these holidays now with gusto without much retribution from the rest of their snooty Jewish friends.
It�s a thought. I, meanwhile, am working on the Hubster (who is in fact agnostic these days, and not atheist) to come to Mass with me on Sunday. The whole purpose of this is to set Hubster on the aisle so that he may get doused by Fr. Fred during the Holy Water Flinging Ritual. This dousing will continue my Hubster�s non-baptized warranty for another year. As a Catholic, I am able to baptize others under extreme circumstances, and you better believe that if I think the situation warrants it, I will baptize Hubster with almost any liquid that�s available, including someone else�s spit or Red Bull.
My mother says that Hubster may actually convert with time. My father did, when I was in high school. I personally don�t see that happening, but I am a bit concerned about the whole non-baptized thing. As I have been told repeatedly since my youth, if Hubster dies in an unbaptized state, he will bounce permanently around Limbo, which even if they have sticks that keep getting lower as the song goes on, it doesn�t sound like much fun.
Oddly enough, Hubster�s five older brothers and sisters were all baptized. The MIL told me that she has no idea why Hubster was never baptized. Perhaps they simply forgot by the time the sixth kid came around. It could happen.
This kind of baptism, though, is a bad idea:
I mean, really. There are many things that shouldn�t go on your genitals. One of these is anything that begins with the words really hot and another is anything that ends with acid. When it comes to your genitals, choose wisely.
Another thing to choose carefully is where your remains will be interred:
Really, people, stop calling yourself �Dick�. It hurts the minds of those who live in gutters. Here�s another example of pictures gone wrong in the gutter minds:
Oh Spongebob. Oh Patrick.
Although, wait. I�m pretty sure that both sponges and starfish are asexual, yes? Not that there�s anything wrong with that, and anyway, I�m not au fait with the reproductive systems of soft-bodied marine animals. Anyhoo, I�m not being judgmental regarding their preferences, I�m concerned about them freely offering themselves to any and all passers-by. I mean, there are places and times for such activities. And it may be well profitable to avail your business to such proclivities:
Although I�m sure that folks will more often than not run into places where their proclivities are not welcome:
But at least the management is being helpful to all those who are confused. Perhaps the management can help me with these instructions:
Ta!