BONNIE HAS CABIN FEVER
Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2006 at 2:44 p.m.

I now have a daytime TV watching schedule. And the schedule includes TWO full hours of Maury Povich finding out who's yer baby's daddy. And Dr. Phil. Sometimes Montel, sometimes COPS, sometimes Days of our Lives, which I used to rabidly watch about 20 years ago. I turned it on to discover:

-- Nearly all the characters are the same.

-- The characters that are not the same are being played by actors who used to be on the show.

-- The storylines and the villains (who by now must be 103 years old) are the same.

-- Once a child character reaches the age of about 4, that character suddenly becomes a teenager. Subsequently, the parents (who themselves don't age) of these fast-growing spawn start breeding new babies. I think Marlena Evans has had 47 children, although she should have passed menopause about 14 years ago.

Fortunately, I have not reached the new low of watching Jerry Springer. Please come to my house and smack me if I do.

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