Signs, signs, everywhere are signs
Friday, Dec. 16, 2005 at 10:03 a.m.
So how much does Jesus need to save in order to buy a new pair of clock hands?
Hey, church elders, I think Jesus is socking everything He saves into an IRA, so you�d better open up your own damn pockets for this one.
I want to visit this town and ride a Vespa without a helmet, just to make people in this town excited. I also want to visit here because I really just like their attitude. �We don�t mind you dying here, but you can�t get sick here. Scram.�
Is this town anywhere near Intercourse, PA or Blue Balls, Whatever State that is?
And the Winner of the Biggest �Duh� Award for Signage goes to:
I think the demographic of people the signmakers were trying to reach are people who can�t read the damn thing anyway, so why bother???
And then there�s this:
Frankly, this sign worries me. What kind of odor? Is it something that is completely unexpected and weird? See, I expect it to smell funky when I�m in Cantonment, FL, near the paper mill. On a nice humid day, that smell gets right into the sinuses. Sluices them out like Ty-dee Bowl, I tell you what. But I need to know what kind of odor concerns the installers of this sign so that I�m not reporting every stink that wafts in my direction. And I know stink, let me tell you. You�ve not known stink until you�ve experienced the stink that is rotten animal glue, which is made of horse�s hooves and goat�s testicles and pig�s nipples and the dirty air filter off a 1974 AMC Gremlin. Then put it in a bucket and let it sit fermenting for 10 years or so, and then open it up on a day that is 95* with 4000% humidity in an enclosed space. That�s unforgivable stink.
Another unforgivable stink is the stink wafting off a hairy, unshowered, unlaundered, hung-over-on-Mad-Dog-and-Johnny-Walker-after-a-four-day-binge roadie at 8am on a 95* day with 4000% humidity. That�s the kind of stink that makes a truck stop bathroom smell fresh.
And speaking of truck stops, I�m mildly concerned about this person�s passive-aggressive tendencies:
I mean, you�re already let down by the lack of TP but does this person really need to rub it in?
I�m sure there�s a nasty pun there but I�m going to leave it to you guys. Ta!