Somehow It All Makes Sense
Wednesday, May. 16, 2007 at 8:32 a.m.
So last time I believe I spoke about how klutzy I was to sprain my ankle by stepping wrong into a bicep-tricep machine, but I managed to completely transcend that clumsiness over the weekend. I managed to fall across a twelve-foot wide room. I started at the breakfast bar/kitchen island by taking off my shoes, which I then proceeded to trip over as I turned to walk away. I began falling but my momentum from my plan to �walk� carried me into the little ottoman for the IKEA chair, which I fell over, bruising my leg all the way up my shin bone, careening off the blue recliner (which effectively created an actual catapult as one of the cats went flying from her sleeping position on the recliner) and rolling to the floor with my head against the sliding glass door. Naturally, when you take such a dramatic fall you tend to just sort of stay still and try to get your brain and your inner ear to work out what the hell happened and then this conversation ensued:
(aside: where you see the ellipses (. . .) in the following conversation, imagine me laughing and crying and whimpering at the same time)
Valkyrie: Hubster . . . Hubster . . . help . . . I need ice or something . . .
Hubster: Did you hurt your ankle again? Why are you lying on the floor?
Valkyrie: I fell . . . I tripped over my shoes . . .
Hubster: Your shoes are over by the counter. How did you get all the way over here?
Valkyrie: I fell over the ottoman . . . my shin hurts so bad . . .
Hubster: You fell all the way across the room??
Valkyrie: Oh . . . everything hurts so much . . .
Hubster: I wish I had seen that happen. That�s classic.
Valkyrie: Ow . . . ow . . . ow . . .
Hubster: How many years did you dance?
Valkyrie: Shut up.
Hubster: Maybe I should keep you in a padded room.
Valkyrie: Shut up.
Hubster: Wrapped in bubble wrap.
Valkyrie: Shut up.
I had to undergo the ignominy again yesterday when I had to explain to my chiropractor why I was so messed up. Gads. My shin looks like a Canadian sunset and my ankle, which had been healing quite nicely, is all screwed up again.
In other news, the big story here in Phoenix is the suspension of the two Suns players who left the bench when one of the Spurs body-checked Steve Nash into the officials� table. Well, okay, I suppose the two Suns players should receive a one-game suspension because the rules of the NBA should be followed consistently. Not that I like it, but rules are rules. However, why does the Spur who maliciously and intentionally fouled Steve Nash only get a two-game suspension?? I say he should be out for the rest of the season and be out for the first two months of next season. I wonder what smed, our whiz-bang audiophile and sports commentator has to say about that??
Segueing again without a clutch: It�s sad, sometimes, to live in an area where road construction is so pervasive that we actually get excited when a section of construction is finished. It seems like certain areas have been under construction forever, only to have construction start again once the area is finished because it now doesn�t meet the needs of our stupidly sprawling valley. It�s kind of like maintaining a battleship � you start painting at one end, and by the time you reach the other end, you have to start again at the beginning. I�m so tired of seeing gazillions of traffic cones and nobody working � like the ones today near the end of my commute which seem to arbitrarily blocking two out of three lanes although it appears that the two lanes in question are finished, asphalted, and even lined. On the other hand, since it�s been getting up into the 100s already no one works once the sun comes up . . . which I suppose is best for the road crews. Someday, someday, the light rail will be finished enough for people to start riding, and no one will get to work on time because most drivers here are morons and they won�t yield for the stinking train, which is street level, and we�re going to have lots and lots of car-train accidents. I predict it. You read it here first.
Speaking of morons, people here have been asking �Where are all the non-smokers?�, regarding the new non-smoking ban in all public places in Arizona (which began 2 weeks ago). Here are my answers:
1. Your place still reeks. I�m still waiting for the smoke to clear.
2. Not enough smokers voted to turn down the bill. Quit your whining.
3. Quit your whining.
Actually, it will take a while for the notion to take hold. It took time in CA, it took time in Tempe, and it will take time for the rest of the state. I know, I know, there are lots of smokers out there who think that this is very unfair and very Big Brother and where will it all end and where will Big Government turn up next, etc. etc. etc. I invite you to read #2 again. Please.
There was a story in this weeks New Times (yeah, yellow journalism, whatever) about a local couple who raised their three children to be vegan. They also eschewed doctors and vaccinations. Which I suppose would have been okay, except that the three-year-old was on the verge of death and weighed only 13 pounds. The other two children were also severely underweight and were obviously not thriving. CPS took the children away and fed them and the parents went to jail for a long long long time.
The question is, should the parents have received such sentences, when their intentions were well-placed? After all, they wanted to raise healthy non-obese children. If these parents could be locked up under the guise of child abuse, why shouldn�t parents who let their children become severely obese be locked up as well? (again, very Big Brother and where will it all end and where will Big Government turn up next, etc. etc. etc.) I don�t know what the answer is on that.
Yeah, there�s lots of things I don�t know. Like I don�t know quite what the heck is going on here:
Or why someone would think this is a good idea:
Or how in the hell to deal with this without losing it completely:
Ta!