TH13: Questions I Asked Myself As I Rolled Out Of Bed This Morning
Thursday, Oct. 26, 2006 at 7:33 a.m.
1. Where am I?
2. Who am I?
3. Who is that naked person next to me?
4. What did I just step in?
5. Why is my hip not working?
6. Does that clock say a.m. or p.m.?
7. Do I have to go to work today?
8. Do I work?
9. Why did I dream about going on tour with Britney Spears?
10. Is Britney Spears still married to that loser?
11. Why do I care?
12. Why don�t I drink coffee?
13. Should I start?
On this day in 1984, 19-year-old John D. McCollum kills himself with a .22 caliber handgun after spending the day listening to Ozzy Osbourne records. One year later, McCollum's parents file suit against Ozzy and CBS Records, alleging that the song "Suicide Solution" from the album Blizzard of Ozz contributed to their son's death. Except that the song's subject was quite plainly alcohol addiction. The case is eventually thrown out of court.
Also on this day in 1997, during a 1,500-person tug-of-war contest in Taipei the rope snaps, suddenly amputating the left arms of Chen Ming-kuo and Yang Chung-ming. The two men had wrapped the rope around their left biceps [big mistake] Both arms are successfully reattached.
Also on this day in 1997, basketball great Charles Barkley is charged with aggravated battery and resisting arrest after throwing 20-year-old man Jorge Lugo through a plate glass window in an Orlando, Florida dance club. Barkley later tells reporters: "I regret we weren't on a higher floor."
Also on this day in 1991, 33-year-old insurance agent Lori Keevil-Matthews visits an outdoor art project installed by Christo. 1,760 yellow umbrellas were scattered along the ridge line of the Tejon Pass, near Interstate 5 in Southern California. Then a freak 40 mph gust suddenly picks up a 485-pound umbrella, slamming the spectator against a boulder. She dies on the scene.
Look, I don�t know about you, but it seems that between my hip not working and all this other bad stuff that happened today, I think going back to bed is in order. So I think I�ll take a page out of these kids� books:
A bean bag and a Heinekin and I�m out like a light too. And a bad Heinekin is better than a good day at work:
Yeah, I�m definitely calling in sick tomorrow. I�m actually having a terrible problem with my eyes.
I can�t see myself coming in to work tomorrow.
Ta!