TH13: More NaNoWriMo exercises, along with birthdays, caverns, and the promise of snark
Thursday, Oct. 12, 2006 at 7:34 a.m.
The women were speaking what he assumed was Esperanto, even though he had never studied the language � but he also felt fairly sure that they were complimenting the chef on the fabulous meal, or perhaps asking the waitress for a three-way. Either way, it sounded wonderfully melodious.
�Yes, I�ll stop pointing the gun at you. And now that I have what I want, I�m giving you the gun and the clip back. Oh, and the clip�s empty, by the way.�
�Did you honestly think it was going to be that easy to kill me? When I dispatched those guys for you as easily as I did? Are you that stupid? Answer me! Are you that stupid?�
�You can�t dress like a whore and not stand out at a revival, my dear. If you want to be inconspicuous, wear the industrial bra from Sears�, and tuck in your shirt so you don�t expose belly flesh when you�re jumping around in the rapture of the Almighty.�
�You�re the heir of the Dragon Syndicate? You? When you can�t take a piss unless there�s a catheter up your pipe? I think that makes you my bitch, mister.�
She was a monster, a demon, cast down not to hell, but to his hospital room to drive him mad with the physical therapy torture that she made him endure. A lesser man would have been driven to tears by now, but he felt he was becoming a lesser man with every passing hour.
�So you�re trying to tell me that you fired a warning shot, but it somehow ended up right between his eyes? Next you�re going to tell me that he ran into your knife four times.�
It was in the first moments of that kiss that she realized that he had no idea of how to kiss, and it strangely thrilled her. He pressed his lips against hers like a school boy wearing braces, but thankfully, the pressure of his teeth behind his lips kept her from laughing.
The woman on the stage opened her mouth and sang with a voice that had been strained through decades of unfiltered cigarettes and blended scotch whiskey, a voice that grated on the nerves yet still made the listener search for a partner to take home that night, to sweat into each other to the soundtrack of a hung-over angel.
He leaned into her, making her back arch like a willow in the wind and driving her nails into the soft flesh of his upper biceps, and for a moment he couldn�t decide whether to continue or slap hell out of the bitch, because, oh, those nails hurt.
Betty, through a little bit of research, discovered that her blog was the number four site listed in all searches for �horny stepmother�, which she found both amusing and dismaying, not because stepmothers couldn�t be horny, but because her blog had nothing to do with stepmothers, horny or otherwise.
He was like a little boy who had been throwing the tantrum for so long he had forgotten why.
�Look, if you spit on someone, that�s �expectorate�, even if it�s made with the biggest wad of hocked-up phlegm that could be dragged from any sinus. �Regurgitate� refers only to vomiting. If you�re going to continue to fling bodily secretions on me, at least get the terminology right.�
&&&&&
On this day in 1285, accused of the ritual murder of Catholic boys, 180 Jews are burned alive in Munich when an angry mob sets fire to their synagogue.
Look, I know that the Jews are the chosen people, but for once, can�t somebody else be chosen?
(with apologies to Sholom Aleichem, et al.)
Also on this day in 1969, the rumor begins that Paul is dead. Somehow, despite this, the Beatle continues to make appearances in public.
Monday was the Hubster�s birthday, and we went down to Kartchner Caverns to have a little tour. Hubster hadn�t seen any of the caverns yet, but I had been on the Rotunda tour once. We weren�t able to go on the Big Room tour because the bats are still nesting, and as Kartchner Caverns is probably the most ecologically and preservation-driven public cavern, no one can go into the Big Room until the bats vacate for the season. But the Rotunda tour is still great because of the largest column in the country, Khubla Khan:
See that little squiggle in red at the bottom of the column? That�s a person. This thing is 58 feet tall! So anyway, make sure you add this to your own Great Hole in the Ground Tour of Arizona.
Hubster was also gifted with several DVDs, including the all-but-forgotten Dilbert animated series, which should have gone over well, but didn�t, for various reasons . . . and now, due to The Simpsons just being an eternal fave and Family Guy not only pushing the envelope but tearing it apart, there doesn�t seem to be any room for . . . well, wit. Or sarcasm. Or snark.
But that�s okay, kids, because here at the Scotvalkyrie blog, where the Boots are Made for Kicking, I promise to provide you gentle readers with at least two out of three, because, hey, two out of three ain�t bad.
And speaking of birthdays, this is rather mean-spirited:
Perhaps the baker was more accustomed to something of this size and . . . proliferation:
Hmmmmm. Excuse me while I go . . . cool off.