It's all good, It's all right, Everybody gets laid -- TONIGHT!!
Monday, Jul. 24, 2006 at 11:19 a.m.
Hi kids!
So I had to work yesterday, which as you know, is always a good time for me to watch yet another of my movies which the Hubster thinks are awful yet the Valkyrie considers them to be an utter delight. And yesterday was no exception.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter: Thank you, Odessa Filmworks! Thank you, Independent Film Commission of Ottawa! This movie was a joy, a delight, and utterly lovely in every way shape and form. I�m not kidding. Our Savior teams up with a Mexican wrestler to save the world from lesbian vampires and teach the modern world a little something about compassion. And it has musical numbers. Jesus can really kick ass. But we knew that. Here are other things I learned from watching this flick:
37 atheists can fit in a Jeep Wrangler.
Given a choice, Jesus prefers Dickies � navy slacks.
The lesbian community has their own reading rooms.
God likes to appear to His son as a bowl of Cherries Jubilee.
Even though Jesus can take out 30 atheists by himself, it only takes one vampire to beat the crap out of Him.
Anyone who can scat using the words �Obi-Wan Kenobi� is okay by me.
Jesus can�t scat. However, he can play the drums.
All vampire lesbians hang out at the same bar at the same time.
If a wooden stake is not available, anything remotely made of wood will do. This includes: toothpicks, drumsticks, crutches, and a toilet plunger.
A Mexican wrestler can be brought down by blowing glitter in his face.
However, a Mexican wrestler can chew his way through nylon rope.
Vampire lesbians will transform into Mexican wrestlers if left in a car trunk in a junkyard.
Jesus really digs big-bottomed girls.
A killer closing theme song forgives all cinematic sins.
Seriously. Click on that link and download that song. I guarantee, if you have any love at all for �80s rock anthems, you�ll be singing that ditty for the rest of day. However, you might not want to play it really loud at work.
Anyhoo.
Thanks to everyone for your comments re: my stupid doctor and his �wait and see� attitude. Currently I�m awaiting news to see if my insurance company will accept the charges for a course of Lupron injections for me. The odd thing is, I haven�t had much pain lately. I do from time to time, but it�s like someone coming up to me and jabbing me good in the left side of the gut with a dull butter knife and then it stops. It might be akin to pregnancy kicks but I�ve never been preggo and if I�m preggo now, there�s gonna be some hell for someone to pay. Or I�ll be the first woman to carry a fetus in her bladder.
So I�ve got Percoset at the ready. I love it.
I�d also love me some boner kebab:
Or how about some Big Black Dick?
Maybe my Hubster could use some Chinese Ho:
Geez. I need some help. Or just a couple of red, hot, franks:
Yikes!