Time for RoadKill Bingo!
Friday, Oct. 07, 2005 at 8:15 a.m.
Happy Day, everyone! It�s REDNECK MOVING DAY!!
They�re gonna have a bitch of a time getting the duct tape spooge off that car. At least all their stuff seems to be secure. Unlike the time I was driving home on the freeway, and I found myself following a pickup truck with a mattress in the bed. Not too unusual, except for the fact it wasn�t tied down in any manner. The passenger was holding on to the mattress with one hand. Now, we�re on the freeway, which means speeds in excess of 65 MPH. As soon as the thought that mattress is going to fly out of the back of that truck and come right at me guess what happened?
That�s precisely what it did!
The passenger lost his grip and that mattress sailed out of the truck bed and right into my path. It was one of those good thick pillow-topped deals, too. No time to swerve, so I was going to have to run over it. But that was okay. Why?
Because I have a pickup truck too.
So I rolled right over that sucker. In fact, I swerved so that I would put a pair of tire tracks right across the middle of that sucker. Serves them right. A hank of rope costs a buck, the cheap fuckers. Hell, I carry a couple of extra hanks at all time and GIVE them to asshats who try to drive home without tying stuff down.
Back when I lived in Tacoma, WA (ah, the lovely Tacoma Aroma) I would listen to the �405 Mattress Report� in the morning to hear where the latest mattress had landed on the 405 between Tacoma and Seattle.
Well, kids, today there�s a queen size on the northbound 405 just north of the Tukwila exit. It�s half in the righthand lane so you should be able to avoid it . . .
Today it�s a twin size boxspring, that�s right, a boxspring, on the southbound 405 just before the Auburn exit, you�ll want to avoid that because it�s a boxspring and not a mattress, try not to hit it if you�ve got a compact. . .
Then of course, there�s the ubiquitous one shoe. Why one shoe? I always expect to see the other shoe in the near vicinity. Can you imagine, all these shoes without a partner, left by the side of the road in the wake of emission fumes and Cheetos bags, left to search for their solemates.
Yes, yes, smack me now. Before I get to the children.
You are the Sun card. The light of the Sun reveals
all. The Sun is joyful and bright, without fear
or reservation. The childish nature of the Sun
allows you to play and feel free. Exploration
can truly take place in the light of day when
nothing is hidden. The Sun's rays fill you with
energy so that you may live life to its
fullest, milking pleasure out of each day. Such
joy and energy can bring wealth and physical
pleasure. To shine in the light of day is to
have confidence, to soak up its rays is to feel
the freedom of a child. Image from: Stevee
Postman. http://www.stevee.com/
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