Necrophiliac Flea!
Friday, Jul. 15, 2005 at 9:47 a.m.

Tomorrow the newest Harry Potter book is released. For those of you living in a cave, that was your PSA for the day.

I thought I was completely lame because I ordered the book from Amazon several months ago with the promise that it would be in my hands with tomorrow�s mail. However, I have decided that the folks who are attending the myriad of �slumber parties� at various bookstores are SLIGHTLY more lame.

However, I cannot blame the book-selling industry on capitalizing on this cash cow. I am furthermore pleased that Scholastic Books, Inc., are the major benefactors in this. I would prefer, however, if all Harry Potter book buyers buy their copies from independently owned bookstores rather than the heathen conglomerates, however, I have just realized that I am a complete hypocrite, as I ordered my copy from a heathen conglomerate. At least I didn�t get mine from Wal-mart., though.

Anyhoo, no news yet on the SIL. Probably this weekend.

On the drive home last night, I swear I heard the lyrics �Necrophiliac Flea� in the song I was listening to on the radio. So today I googled the words �necrophiliac flea� and I was sadly disappointed in what popped up. Mostly it was bulletin boards but the words �necrophiliac flea� were not found in the same sentence. So in an effort to be googled more often (why, though?) I will make odd non sequiturs in these entries. Or perhaps a limerick?

There was a necrophiliac flea
Who rode one day to sea
On the back of a cow
He never asked how
To sing �Nearer my God to Thee.�

Okay, that was pretty lame too. But it made me giggle. And truly, why am I hearing the words �necrophiliac flea�? I could ask the hubby, but lately his answer is the same: �You need to up your prozac dosage.�

So the amazing peeping finches, AKA Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Bob, now have a new collective name: The FlufferNutters. I have no idea why. They seem fluffy to me, especially when they fuzz up all their feathers in an effort to air condition themselves. Anyhoo, we have now figured out that Bob is in fact an elder in the FLDS because the other three have shown themselves to be females, which in my mind makes their names even funnier. Also, one or more of the girls have proven they can poop eggs. We now are the proud grandparents of three tiny tiny tiny omelets. The shells are pale blue and remind me of Cadbury�s candy eggs, the ones that are like M&Ms with a glandular problem. I�m sure, though, that I will not find a creamy milk chocolate center if I bite into one. I guess we�ll have to wait and see if the egg brooding capabilities of the girls are as good as their egg pooping abilities. Or if the Bob shagging abilities are in order, for that matter, as we all know that birds can pretty much poop eggs all they want.

And yes, I know that birds don�t POOP eggs. Holy Chickens.

I think there should be an HTML code for snarkiness. Something like �� . That way you can write what you want in your emails to your mom but the HTML will translate it to her in a way that�s more palatable. Let�s try.

� For the last time, Mom, if you come and visit for six weeks from Thanksgiving to New Year�s, I will shave your cats and sprinkle Drano in your underwear drawer. I will rip out my hair and stuff the damn bird with it because you drive me freaking INSANE. �

Which would HTML out to:

�We�d love to have you visit.�

Maybe it needs work.

|

before o after

I suppose �odiferous pinecones� doesn�t have a good ring to it - Monday, Oct. 31, 2011
Click below to find out what he called me - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2010
Yeah, he really did call me that - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2010
Click below to go nowhere either fast or slowly; your choice - Monday, Mar. 08, 2010
HELLLLLLLLLLO NURSE! - Friday, Mar. 05, 2010






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