Sheriff Joe is a Big Fat Idiot and applicable movie quotes It is now officially summer, and half the state of Arizona is on fire. Fairly typical of our summers here of late. It has also been over 100* a good portion of the time, and before any of you say �But it�s a DRY heat�, your oven is a dry heat too. Do you turn that thing on and then climb into it? I don�t think so. The truth is, as the Phoenix/Valley gets bigger and bigger, it gets more humid. More cars, more houses, more lawns, and less desert to release the heat at the end of the day. Basically, the valley is turning into this �heat island� and rainclouds tend to bounce away from it. Except for microbursts, which are little cells of thunder and lighting storms that swoop in over a tiny area of town, drench it, shock it with about 100 lighting strikes, turn the streets into a river, and float away. I don�t think there�s any other town where all activity STOPS because of rain. At my old place of business, we would stop all work and stand out on the loading dock to watch the rain for a few minutes. Sometimes I see kids with pool floats surfing down the streets. Then, of course, we have washes all over town � these are sort of emergency rivers that occur when it rains here, because it usually rains too fast and heavy for the ground to soak it in. Of course, most of these washes go through: people�s houses (dumb ass developers and dumb ass home owners), over roads (where then dumb ass drivers think they can drive through the wash, inevitably get stuck and have to be rescued, costing the county about $5K, which fortunately, now is being passed on to the dumb ass who drove into the wash in the first place. Yippee!), and under overpasses (see above, except now the dumb ass is an illiterate dumb ass because there�s HUGE signs saying �DO NOT ENTER WHEN FLOODED�) Then there�s the most dangerous dumb ass of all, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who has recently blamed his totaling of a county vehicle by losing control of it and driving it over a curb into an embankment �the car�s fault�. I changed my political party in order to get rid of him. It didn�t work. I could go on and on about him, but I would rather keep my temper today. Although when people do ask me my political affiliation, I say the �Get Rid of Asshole Maniacs Party.� Last week, AFI released its list of Top 100 movie quotes and I was overall pleased with the choices. However, some of my favorite lines did not make the list, mostly because they�re a) special to me and only me, b) not exactly lines that enter into the vernacular at large, and c) are generally socially unacceptable. Anyhoo, I�m going to list my favorite movie lines that DIDN�T make the list, and in no particular order. �My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.� Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride �Have fun storming the castle!� Miracle Max, The Princess Bride �I AM your father.� Darth Vader, The Empire Strikes Back �I�m not even supposed to BE here today!� Dante Hicks, Clerks �Have you . . . ever seen a grown man naked?� Peter Graves, Airplane! �Bitch.� Sam Diamond, Murder by Death �I�ll tell you, Inspector Wang, if you can tell me how one of the greatest detective minds of our century won�t say his prepositions or articles. �IS THE. What IS THE meaning of this??� That drives me crazy!!� Lionel Twain to Willie Wang, Murder by Death �Yes. I hated her . . . so much. It was like flames. . . flames . . . on the sides of my face. Hot. . . heat. . . breathing . . . flaming . . .� Mrs. White, Clue �I guess that�s your accomplice there in the wood chipper.� Margo Gunderson, Fargo �TWO DOLLARS!!� Newsboy, Better Off Dead �Look at that. Throwing away a perfectly good white boy.� Garbage man, Better Off Dead �SSSTTTTEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN!� Hanover Fist, Heavy Metal �You get yourself a job and a haircut, or we�re shipping you off to military school with the goddammed Finklestien shit kid! Son of a Bitch!� Dad, Up in Smoke �Whatchoo want, Grizzly Adams?� Jay, Clerks �The child must live! The man yes, the child, no.� Blonde Bride of Manos, Manos: the Hands of Fate �From this point on, they�re on Double Secret Probation.� Dean Wormer, Animal House �So what are we supposed to do about it, you mo-ron?� Stork, Animal House �What am I supposed to do? Dress up in drag and dance the hula??� Timon, The Lion King �First of all, you took too long to take a shit!� Spike, Cowboy Bebop: Knocking on Heaven�s Door Leia: �I love you!� �These go up to 11.� Nigel Tufnel, This is Spinal Tap
|