big black prosthetic spunking beast todger As you can see, I�m desperately trying to win the �how many weird ways can I get Googled?� contest. I think the title alone puts me deep into the running. . . . That�s what she said! Anyhoo, today is my first day of being officially unemployed, and so I�ve applied for unemployment benefits online. Unfortunately, since I�m to receive severance pay, I will have to fill out extra paperwork. On the other hand, I�m chuffed just to be getting severance, which is a lot more that I got from the last job I was dismissed from. Well, I did get severance, in a way. I was let go at 9:00 am, and I was paid until 11:00 am. Stone the crows, ne? Still, Friday ended up being tenuous, as you might have seen if you read my tweets below. I don�t believe I�ll be getting the laptop that was promised to me, mostly due to the whinging brat M, who said to The Emperor (the HMFIC mostly in charge of my losing my job to India) �Well, if the Valkyrie gets to keep her laptop, then I do too� and he walked out with the laptop. Well, I had secured permission from both the in-house IT group and the Director of Hardware and Engineering Finance (read: the bloke in charge of purchasing and inventorying anything with a microchip for the entire said Company). Unfortunately, because I had gone over The Emperor�s head, and since he has a tiny tiny penis, he essentially kyboshed me getting my laptop. I got the job of calling the Whinging Brat and told him to bring back the stupid laptop or he wasn�t going to get paid. Why that became my job baffles me, other than the fact that my immediate supervisor is still in India, trying to teach those folks our jobs in Ten Days or Less. So, I was miffed, and that was when I made a crucial, crucial error. I ate some peanut butter cookies. Normally, I don�t eat peanut butter cookies. I�m not a big fan. Unfortunately, the chocolate chip cookies were all gone, and I was simply not going to eat the oatmeal raisin cookies. Waste of a cookie, if you ask me. But I ate some peanut butter cookies. I went home, sans laptop and feeling that kind of bummed you get when you get laid off, and through the afternoon, the �bummed� feeling progressed into feeling rather ooky. I went to make myself a cheese crisp for dinner and hit the floor in the kitchen. Hubster leapt to my side and I started getting chills and flop sweat and I figured that I was just flipped out from the stress of the past month or so and I decided to lie down. It wasn�t until later that I realized that I probably had salmonella due to the peanut butter cookies I had eaten � it probably hit me about the time I threw up everything but my toes. Several times. I spent the rest of the night in a fitful sleep in the spare room, going from fever to chills and everything in between, with a roiling belly and my losing everything that I had eaten since the age of fourteen. I know I wailed a lot to any god that would hear me to help me, while the Hubster slept soundly behind the closed door of our room. Although, really, what could he have done? I�m feeling better now. Not well, but better. Still very tired. Kind of ooky. Hubster did suggest that I contact our local FDA office regarding the peanut butter cookies, as they could have been tainted. I tried, but the office is closed today. S lady from the next cube, did you eat any of those? I hope not! Anyway, I was out and about today, doing the kinds of things I normally do on a Tuesday, but now I can do any day of the week. I popped into a dollar store to find a small photo album to carry to Mum and Dad tomorrow, and I was going through the bin when a ne�r-do-well, holding 6 cans of spaghetti-o-s, popped up at my elbow. He gave me a story about how he had just gotten out of jail, and he had three kids, and his food card didn�t work, and could I help him out, blah blah. I don�t normally respond to this kind of panhandling but I had a five dollar bill in my pocket and he smelled a bit. I handed him the $5 and he made some comment about how he didn�t even know who won the game yesterday, since he was getting out of jail when it ended. Well, that pricked up my ears because a dead javalina in the Lost Dutchman�s Mine knows that the Cardinals won and are going to the Superbowl, and I was leery of this kind of guy anyway, so I figured I�d keep an eye on him. Well, he pockets my $5, goes to the other side of the store, and starts chatting up another woman. So I started yelling at him, something to the effect of �HEY! You just shook me down for $5, and you�re going to shake her down for more cash too?!� He then started to call me every name in the book, and then he slammed down the cans he was holding on the shelf next to him and started stomping out. So I continued to yell at him, �Hey, you, if you�re not going to buy the food, then give me back my five bucks!� So he calls me the c-word and throws the money at me. In hindsight, probably a boneheaded things to do. But hey, I got my $5 back.
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