Happy Knit-iversary to Me!
Monday, Jan. 05, 2009 at 8:25 a.m.
So about 3 years ago, I began teaching myself to knit. The reason for doing so was in fact a simple one: I was scheduled for major surgery with a long recovery time, and I wanted a hobby that would keep me from going insane. Little did I know the depths of insanity that knitting causes:
1. Since I began knitting, I have apparently forgotten how to do housework. This in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. I think housework is completely overrated. I keep a clean enough house for our purposes, and frankly, for the purposes of most people who are going to see it. After all, people who come to visit us have houses on their own, and having a stack of mail on the counter, a pile of shoes under the breakfast bar, and newspapers all over the dining table is simply the clutter of life. There is a definitive difference between clutter and filth, the latter of which includes: piles of unwashed dishes, overflowing trashcans, and cat pans that are more clumps than litter. Okay, that last one occurs in our house often. We have 3 cats and one litter pan.
2. I have also forgotten how to cook. Well, no, not really. I just really resent stopping in order to cook, and while the buzzer may be going off, the actual point at which to stop knitting to check on dinner is at the end of the row.
3. �Let me get to the end of this row� has actually become my number one answer to most requests, including (to my shame) Hubster�s request of �Sex, now?� However, at this slightly chilly time of year, his having to wait until I get to end of the row allows him to turn on the heated mattress pad before we start rolling about in it.
4. Yarn is a much stronger drug than I ever realized. Good yarn. Sock yarn. DK, worsted. Mohair. Alpaca with a touch of microfiber. Quivit. Soysilk and real silk, twisted with material made from hemp, chitin, tofu, corn, and cotton. Yarn that cost more than my first car. Yarn that had to be bought, if for no other reason than it�s wonderful, to be stored lovingly until the perfect pattern is found in order to bring out the perfect loveliness of the fiber.
5. Ditto for needles. I have gone through so many different brands of needles, searching for the ultimate in smoothness that doesn�t allow the yarn to always slip off. Cables on circular needles that don�t twist and hold a memory that�s hard to work with. Slender socks needles that bend to just the right shape for my hands, but that don�t break under the tension on my fingers pulling on the yarn. And if a perfect needle set is found, then many multiples of this needle must be purchased, so that if a UFO (UnFinished Object) has a set of needles in use, then another project (just as important as the UFO) can be lovingly begun.
6. There is so much paraphernalia for knitters. All of which of necessary. A partial list includes: stitch markers, point protectors, storage bags, storage cases, needle cases, needle totes, purses that carry both purse stuff and a project, project cards, sewing needles, darning needles, stitch holders, safety pins, blocking pins, seam pins, seam clips, scissors, yarn snips, tape measures, marking pens, sticky notes, cheat sheets . . . and the list goes on. Again, the need for multiples of the above items is also completely necessary. In fact, it seems that a complete set is needed for just about every project. Especially stitch markers, as I tend to lose several every time I vacuum. However, since I don�t vacuum as much as I should (see #1) I don�t lose quite so many.
7. All vacations are an opportunity to yarn shop. A stop at the LYS (local yarn store) at every city visited is a necessity. If the spouse refuses, whine until you get your way. The LYS has a siren song, stronger than the spouse�s very logical statements that the amount of yarn you have is more than you can possibly knit in a lifetime, and that you have enough needles and notions to open your own store. Logic and yarn stores do not mix. The Call of Yarn is stronger than Logic. Stronger than the Force. Almost stronger than Chocolate. But not quite.
8. Once you become a knitter, you look at all knitted objects in a new way. Never again an you simply think, �Oh, that�s nice.� Now, every knitted object is dissected into type of yarn and level of skill in knitting, be it hand-made or machine-made. Then you will be staring at the pattern, working out in your head how it was created and how you can make one too. But better.
I know crocheters feel the same way. I don�t crochet. I�ve tried, but I haven�t been able to wrap my head (or fingers) around it yet. I promise I�ll try harder. But non-knitters: believe me. There is so much more to knitting than ugly Christmas sweaters. Yes, they persist:
But thankfully, snarkiness and knitting have been able to coalesce:
For who but other knitters would understand the need for a knitted hat that looks like a squid?
