This is Signage Tap
Thursday, Dec. 04, 2008 at 7:47 a.m.
Hola, keeds. I’m still sick. I actually have no voice and I have been unable to talk for the past two days. Last night, the Hubster moved into the spare bedroom because of my constant coughing. I think a trip to a doc in the box is in order.
Anyhoo, you want some signs? Let’s do some signs.
And a 6-ft woman too, really. Let’s be fair. And non-judgmental.
You really have to watch out for the Giant Tentacled Penis Monsters while swimming in the Sea of Japan! The recommended swimwear is a chastity belt made from a brand-new combination of Kevlar™ and carbon-fiber developed by NASA!
Really, though, what animal lives in a conch shell? Is it a big snail? A big crab? Whatever it is, conch shells are really big and whatever lives in there could probably chew my leg off. Maybe it’s a Giant Tentacled Penis Monster. Perhaps they have to keep finding new shells as they outgrow them but they’re pissy because they’re homeless so they go after lithe androgynous swimmers with purple hair!
Can I press it with my ass? If I use “CAUTIOM”, that is. That’s the brand name for the material that is used in those new chastity belts being used in the Sea of Japan against the shell-less Giant Tentacled Penis Monsters.
Wow. I can’t think of anything to say for that. I think that sign says it all.
It’s all in the marketing, they say. If they’d put “organic” on the sign, the bananas’d be gone.
Well, that’s just going to really lengthen the commute for The Great Space Coaster.
Trading the Son of Man for bacon. What a world, eh?
Wait a minute. Bacon’s not kosher!
Whether ‘tis nobler in the legs to suffer the charley horses of the outrageous stair climb,
Or to press the “Up” button against a slow elevator and by opposing, reach the correct floor.
To drive, to park – no more.