Cinemania!
Thursday, Oct. 02, 2008 at 8:19 a.m.

So, in an effort to bring home movies that the Hubster will watch � as he earlier complained that I only watched crap no one else in his/her right mind would even read the title description on the back on the DVD sleeve � the seminal title Cinderella 2000 showed up in our mail yesterday. C2K is a sci-fi/comedy/sex romp/musical in which, according to IMDB: In the year 2047, sex is forbidden and Big Brother uses robots to keep an eye on everyone. One young girl tries to outwit the government so she can be with the man she loves.

Well, that�s not exactly accurate. There�s only one robot named Roscoe, who is actually a lame� wearing Alvin Ailey reject with one terrible voice . . . that is, until his own musical number, in which he sounds more like Conway Twitty, lamenting that he�d like to �turn someone�s knobs�, but he doesn�t know �where to plug it in.�

Oh, hilarity!

Cinderella herself is actually quite passive and does not exactly �try to outwit the government� . . . her Fairy Godfather (yeah, you saw that coming) does put her in silver lame� and a plywood DeLorean and sends her to the ball, where she does have a lovely romp with Tom Price, the city �stud� � apparently he�s the only one who can have sex when the lucky woman�s number comes up via computer lottery � and everyone lives happily ever after once Cindy apparently performs fellatio on the city despot.

There is one strange musical number by the Fairy Godfather (who hails from a different planet) who invites the woodland animals (people dressed up in leotards, wearing animal heads) to sing and dance along. It�s quite festive, especially once the one rabbit�s tail falls off and the rest of the animals dance around it in a sort of frenzy.

Also on the disc is the �Euro� version, which merely includes a few more sex romps hastily scotch-taped into the normal film. The most disturbing of these is a scene with �Snow White� who is decidedly horny as she lolls about on a round bed. She is visited by the seven dwarves, whom I promptly named Sleazy, Scummy, Warty, Protozoa, Slimy, Syphilitic, and George Bush.

The one actor who seemed to emerge from this fracas unscathed was Vaughn Armstrong (a porn name if I ever heard one), who went on to appear about 25 times in different versions of Star Trek playing about a dozen different characters. It�s good to be working actor, ne? And he was actually quite good-looking in this movie.

In other nonsense, I feel utterly bent out of shape over the commercialization of Halloween these days � candy and costumes and extreme lawn ornaments have been on the store shelves since the �back to school� stuff left said shelves � and it�s especially the lawn ornaments that disturb me. Why would anyone feel the need to put an 8-foot tall inflatable demon castle on their front lawn? Whatever happened to a rotting jack-o-lantern?

And then, of course, there�s the parents who take their infants and toddlers around all dressed up. Of course, the kiddies are adorable but you know it�s just a parent�s ploy for some Kit Kats�. I mean, if I had kids, I�d probably do it. I suppose it�s a good thing that I don�t have children to exploit for candy. I�d take my kids dressed up like this:

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before o after

I suppose �odiferous pinecones� doesn�t have a good ring to it - Monday, Oct. 31, 2011
Click below to find out what he called me - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2010
Yeah, he really did call me that - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2010
Click below to go nowhere either fast or slowly; your choice - Monday, Mar. 08, 2010
HELLLLLLLLLLO NURSE! - Friday, Mar. 05, 2010






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