Betty Crocker eats Hostess Ding Dongs
Thursday, Dec. 06, 2007 at 7:37 a.m.

So when I was in the local convenience store buying liquid caffeinated corn syrup, there was a woman in front of me who could have been Bettie Page, or at least her younger sister. Bless Bettie Page, she�s one classy lady. Perhaps if I ever grow my hair long again, I�ll do the heavy bangs. The only problem with that is that my hair is fine and wavy, and the ends tend to curl up, which is not very Bettie Page-like, although I�ve been discovering that as my hair goes grey, it is more wiry. But it�s also more curly. God knows what�s going to happen with my hair. Perhaps I�ll just keep it short and red and sassy, just the way it is.

Bettie Page hair would still be cool, though. And anyway, I�m already channeling a Betty � I laugh like Betty Rubble. But then, I also snort like Bette Midler, which is not exactly a Bette I want to channel. I don�t know why, but I find her kind of annoying, which I think has something to do with my shame of liking Beaches, at least when it first came out, and for a while was one of those flicks I�d keep on hand for when I needed a good cry, along with Terms of Endearment (which is really a far superior film and far superior to the book it�s based on) but then I discovered antidepressants and the need for crying at movies with ice cream really diminished. Well, not the ice cream part. That never really goes away.

Conversation with Hubster:
Valkyrie: Hey, honey, check out my eye.
Hubster: Holy cow, you really broke a blood vessel there.
Valkyrie: I am Bloody-Eye Valkyrie the Cannibalistic of Saint Wednesday Fishkill!! AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!! I�m gonna tell everyone at work that you punched me in my sleep.
Hubster: I hope you also tell them that I did it because you steal all the blankets.

So yeah, I broke hell out a blood vessel in my eye and it�s all grody looking. It also aches a bit, imagine that. I don�t know what the heck happened the other night in my sleep, other than the fact I was dreaming about 8 foot tall lemurs. I don�t recall being in any distress in my dream, though. The lemurs themselves were pretty docile, despite being eight feet tall and having heads like prairie dogs. Maybe they were prairie dogs. Or meerkats. I do remember ascertaining in my dream that they were lemurs, though, because I even sang �Joey, the lemur, Joey, the lemur� over and over in my dream.

Perhaps my eye exploded in an effort to save myself. I�d hate to think what my eye�d do if I started reciting Vogon poetry.

|

before o after

I suppose �odiferous pinecones� doesn�t have a good ring to it - Monday, Oct. 31, 2011
Click below to find out what he called me - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2010
Yeah, he really did call me that - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2010
Click below to go nowhere either fast or slowly; your choice - Monday, Mar. 08, 2010
HELLLLLLLLLLO NURSE! - Friday, Mar. 05, 2010






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