Erina Ballots Icy Mantilla
Friday, Mar. 16, 2007 at 8:49 a.m.
This is the Feast Day of St. Urho, Patron saint of Finnish vineyard workers. Attributed to him is the miracle of banishing grasshoppers from Finland which he accomplished with a few choice Finnish phrases, thereby saving the season's grape crop.
But in reality a bunch of very drunk people made this up in 1956.
Well, that�s better than the Catholic church attempting to play down pagan holidays and turn them into something more religiously palatable, eh?
Oh, and I need to rant for a moment. If you don�t want to read me rant, then you might want to scroll down a paragraph. Okay? Okay.
Holy WTF is up with the Got-damned weather?? It�s going to be freaking 97* in Phoenix today, and the normal for this time of year is 76*! Christ in a sidecar, this is not right, it�s too damned hot, and all you people who say �oh, I want to get out of the cold weather� just stay freakin� where you are, because global warming is going to make it less cold eventually, and I don�t need you down here with your extra cars big-ass SUVs that you never take off a city street and bringing your non-native plants that suck up all the water and using your leaf blowers and building big stupid houses out in the desert and kicking up so much dust that I now have to use two, count em, two inhalers just so that I can stinking breathe enough to keep my blood-oxygen level somewhere near the normal range!
Okay, I have to stop now, because I need to use one of my aforementioned inhalers. Excuse me . . . Yeah, seriously, I have to use inhalers now. I don�t know if it�s another sarcoid complication or if I�m developing asthma, but frankly, I like breathing so I guess I�ll inhale what ever they want me to, so long as I don�t have to increase my steroid intake.
Conversation with Doctor:
Doctor: So you depress this little lever here while you are inhaling, and then you hold your breath as long as you can.
Valkyrie: Like taking a hit off a doobie.
Doctor: Well, actually . . . yeah.
And to his credit, the good doc asked me no questions about my statement. So I brought home all my new toys and the Hubster just looked at them and muttered something about how I have to keep working for the insurance. Well, yeah, I know that.
Conversation with Hubster:
Hubster: What�s the difference between George Bush and E.coli?
Valkyrie: I don�t know. What?
Hubster: E.coli has an exit strategy.
*rim shot*
Well, heck, kids, I don�t have much else to say. I am working a 12 hour shift tomorrow and I hope I�ll get my next batch of bad movies in from Blockbuster today. Otherwise . . . eh. I feel like I should throw a party. Let�s all meet here:
Everyone has to take turns gigging for the party favors, though.