TH13: Album Covers To Make You Cringe
Thursday, Feb. 15, 2007 at 9:29 a.m.
Satan may be real, but if he is, I think he�s perhaps more than a cardboard cut-out. And perhaps the boys there would be more terrified as opposed to, well . . . goofily aloof. I might, might have more respect for them if they were barefoot on those �hot coals� there. Or not. If these guys actually sing those Jamaican folk songs a�la the Kingston Trio, I�m pushing them into the fire.
To a high school football field near you! Festival seating only! Seriously, is this like the ultra-Christian �Up with People� or what?
Please tell me this album got thrown in with the burning bras of the 1970�s. My music for washing and ironing? �I�m taking that to the dry cleaners, honey.� Two of the Hubster�s shirts have been hanging in the laundry room for no fewer than nine months because I hate to iron. The only reason they�re getting done is that I�m ironing a new dust ruffle for the guest bedroom.
Oh. My. God.
Avert. Your. Eyes.
Mike Crain is now currently touring with the �Karate for Christ� tour, coming to a non-denominational gym near you, as a second-stage act for �Here Comes Jesus�. Mike�s trick? Each board represents one of the twelve tribes of Israel. And you know what they did.
This must be the official album of all �Lou�s Adult Shops� nationwide.
In England, the coal mines have their brass bands. In America, we have logger�s bands. All joking aside, and despite their �Lousy Loggers� moniker, I�ll bet this band actually sounds pretty good. Perhaps they�re just bad lumberjacks. However, isn�t hard to play saxophone with only 6 fingers?
So, in later years, did Salvadore Dali not give a rat�s ass who he did work for?
Um. Okay, I think that says �Happy Lovie Juicie and the Boys�, which is pretty disturbing in itself. I can�t connect the puffy-hippy �Love and Peace� text to the ultra right-wing, straightlaced dirndls and suspendered-striped pants that the band is wearing. It�s like �military intelligence� and �jumbo shrimp�. The images just don�t jibe!
I actually wish I owned this album. Isn�t that shameful? But, I have to ask, why is Joe
Don Baker shoving his hat into the frame?
Hey, that�s a Rolling Metal Tit, thank you very much. A Rolling Metal Tit with Guns. A Rolling Metal Tit with Guns Approaching Nuclear Tits that are Expressing Lethal Steam. Now that�s an album title.
Please see note for Joe Henry�s �Trampoline� above.
Apparently, either this band or this album is called �Minstrel of the Morning�, whereas I think I�d call it �Minstrel of the Morning After.� The morning after what? Perhaps the morning after the Rolling Metal Tit with Guns Approaching Nuclear Tits that are Expressing Lethal Steam came through.
On this day in 1936, at a speech in Berlin, Hitler confronts German industry with the challenge of creating the Volkswagen. Thus Ferdinand Porsche designs the Beetle which is now widely seen as the final solution to fahrvergnugen. But neither Hitler nor Porsche would have the foresight to realize how groovy the Beetle would be, man.
Man, indeed. Did any of you own a Beetle? I want to hear about it. Tell me. My first car was actually a 1977 Mustang, white and slung low with brown plaid vinyl interior, baby. A friend in high school did have a red Beetle that we managed to cram six people into on a regular basis. Not comfortably, but that wasn�t the point, was it?
The Hubster and I are now apparently adults, as we met with a financial planner and now have a retirement investment plan and major life insurance polices now in place. I learned about Roth IRAs, etc. and I feel oddly relieved, as I have a terrible financial past and figured I�d work until the day I died and then would have to give my body to science (which I�d rather do anyway, once any viable organs have been harvested). I told Hubster last night, however, that since we�re not going to have kids, that we had better pretty much live it up and blow the whole wad before we die, as opposed to my parents, who figured that they had more time to do certain things, like travel, and now my father is probably too ill to do so. My mom brings it up every time I talk to her: �I thought we�d be doing a lot of traveling now . . .� Of course, they could have been taking trips and doing all sorts of things for the past twenty years, and when I asked why they didn�t, her response was, �We wanted you to go with us.� Well, that might have been fun, but why did you let that stop you, Mom? Why couldn�t the two of you do things as a couple? It�s like they forgot how once the kids came along.
That�s a fairly common thing, no? That might have figured into my decision to not have children (which we had come to decide well before the surgery one year ago today that removed all the diseased girly bits from me) because well, I wanted the Hubster all to myself. I spent far too many years looking for him to compromise the time I have with him to rearing more unnecessary detriments to the world�s resources to serve only as occasional entertainment to my parents.
So there. I think that last statement was worth about $400, with all the $20 words in there. Yikes!
Anyway, happy Ides of February. Watch your back for the next 31 days if your name is Caesar, okay? Ta!