Did Your Mother Ever Call You a Son-of-a-Bitch?
Friday, Jan. 19, 2007 at 8:25 a.m.
On this day in 1991, Wendy O. Williams, of the Plasmatics, was arrested for masturbating herself onstage with a sledgehammer.
Oh my. Wendy had an interesting career, including starring in the 1979 porn film Candy Goes to Hollywood!, in which she really showed off her muscular control over her no-no place by use of ping-pong balls. In 1982, she did a cover of Tammy Wynette�s Stand By Your Man with Lemmy from Motorhead, which I would love to hear, smedindy, and the only reason I�m looking at you is because I know, I know, you have this recording somewhere. You must, you audiophiliac, you. Unfortunately, Wendy committed suicide in 1998. Catch you on the flip side, Wendy girl.
Well, the Hubster and I went to our new bowling league last night, only to find that due to lack of interest, our league is being consolidated into a Monday night league, which is a NASCAR ball league. This means that there�s no money prize fund, and if we pay an extra $4 each per week for 18 weeks, we get a bowling ball covered in NASCAR artwork and a �signature� of a NASCAR driver.
I don�t give one holy rat�s ass about NASCAR. I never have. I know that a lot of people are totally into NASCAR and there�s a sort of culture that has grown up around it, but I think that kind of culture is best kept in a Petri dish: mullets, leggings on women who have no right to wear them, and �t-shirts� on men that have armseyes that go all the way down to the waist, exposing every chest and armpit hair known to man and that balance precariously on the forest of back hair on these strategically shaved apes. I halfway pay attention to NASCAR if it�s on the TV in my line of vision when we go to sports grills, but then I try to sit strategically so I can watch the trivia game. Because I�d much rather guess the name of an obscure plant discovered by Darwin than watch testosterone go round and round and round and round a track in souped up Fords�.
So, obviously, Hubster and I have no intention of paying $72 for a plastic spare ball covered with logos of a sport that we don�t like. If it were a football ball league, well, then maybe, just maybe, I�d spring for a ball. But probably not. Bowling is more about the money for me. Of course, I never make back what I invested in the league, but that�s not the point. The point is to come away with a small chunk of change at the end of the season to completely blow on silly items, like more yarn or a knitting machine.
Yah, I bought a knitting machine, although �machine� might be stretching it, because it�s not electrical whatsoever. It�s more of a weaving machine, but supposedly you can do all kinds of fancy stuff with it. It�s going to take some practice, but I�ve been knitting a lap blanket kind of thing to get used to how this thing works. However, I don�t recommend watching Story of a Junkie while doing so, because it�s too easy to get fascinated by constant images of a guy shooting up heroin. Is this a documentary? It�s hard to say. There�s a shot of one guy getting shot in the chest and the camera lingers on the guy for a long time, long enough for me to wonder �Would that qualify for a snuff film?� and then I had turn it off after the junkie started vomiting. Eww. I�d rather watch Freaks, the 1932 Tod Browning classic, which I did actually watch at work yesterday while finishing one hat and starting on another one.
Sometimes I worry that I�m sort of abusing the system or something by knitting all day at work and watching movies, but then I have to think, have I dropped any phone calls? Am I still doing my job when the phone rings? And the answer is yes, so there.
Sometimes I think the Hubster gets jealous, as he has to walk around for a good portion of the day, telling people that they�re screwed up the extrusion again and then scrapping thousands of pounds of aluminum and trying to figure out what the hell�s wrong with the heat treat system. But then he gets paid over twice as much as I, so his jealousy is short-lived, except on holidays where I get paid double to do what I�m doing. Seriously, who wants a job where I work? We need 2nd and 3rd shift people. Email me.
But please don�t email me if you�re this person:
Stay far away. I have a Taser.